


Gut Punch

by thicksock



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Comfort Eating, Fluff and Angst, Food Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Misuse of Rune Magic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Alec Lightwood, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Esteem Issues, Teasing, Weight Gain, chubby alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11645925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thicksock/pseuds/thicksock
Summary: It's been two months since Jace was sent on a special training camp in Idris. Two months since they've last seen, or talked. Alec's not really sure he's ready for their reunion, but some things are inevitable. Like Jace noticing how chubby Alec got while he was away, calling him out on it, and the inevitable after math of that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to write some chubby Alec feels down. It's gonna get better, I promise :)

The punching bag gave a leathery thud when his fist connected with it. The impact traveled up his arm and Alec winced, but he pulled his hand back for another punch before the shock subsided, going only slightly lighter this time. He danced around the mark, landing punches on the target, alternating between jabs and heavy blows. 

One-one-two. Two-one-two. One-two-one.

Following the familiar pattern of drills was usually as easy as walking; he didn’t need to think about the sequences, just follow the flow. After all, training had been his whole life since he was old enough to follow orders, and that hadn’t changed. 

Training had taken off the edge when he’d felt anxious. It had reassured him when he felt doubt, transformed his frustrations into movement, to speed and power.

Training had always made him feel better, before.

Two-two-one-one. One-two-two.

He punched the bag again and again, his heart thudding as fast as his fists, sweat dripping down his face. But this time, there was no relief from the tight ache that clutched his innards like a cold vice. His blows came out too hard, too careless and rusty, and the harder he tried, the more his anxiety grew, until his right hook hit the bag in a bad angle that set pain flaring up his arm like it had touched fire. 

“ _ Fuck! _ ” 

Alec clung to the bag for support, shaking off his hand. The litany of curses continued inside his head, but it was no use--the fact that he had let himself get so out of shape couldn’t be fixed with a few scathing words.

Besides, it was true. He  _ was _ out of shape. Not only had he been slacking on his routine workouts, but there was also the matter of his weight. He had barely looked at himself in the past weeks, but he couldn’t fully block out the changes in his body when his clothes felt like they kept shrinking, when his pants got harder and harder to button each day.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut against the taunting voice inside his head. 

_ See how pathetic you are without him. You don’t deserve his support. You’re a disgrace, a fat, pathetic loser.  _

A new wave of frustration welled up inside him. He pushed himself off the bag in disgust and launched another attack on the training bag, trying to beat out the feeling that threatened to overwhelm him again, but every hit was just a reminder of his fall. He could  _ feel  _ the extra flesh now padding his muscles rippling with aftershocks as he picked up the pace, and it felt so  _ weird _ , so-- _ humiliating. _

He wasn’t even sure what made this time so different from all the other times he and Jace had been apart, but for the past two months, he’d been a mess. Maybe it was the fact that it had been  _ two whole months _ , and during that time, he’d hardly heard anything from his  _ parabatai. _ Sure, he knew cell phones didn’t work in Idris, but--

_ No. You don’t get to blame this on him. _

He slammed his fist on the bag so hard it swung back violently, only to spring back immediately with equal force. He barely manage to get out of the way before it hit him in the face.

It wasn’t Jace’s fault he’d been chosen for that special training course, and that Alec hadn’t. It wasn’t Jace’s fault he was so much  _ better _ than him. And it certainly wasn’t Jace’s fault that instead of spending all those days and weeks trying to improve and reach the same level as him, Alec had fallen into a slump.

It wasn’t Jace’s fault that Alec had quelled his emotions with whatever he could shove into his mouth and as a result, he’d put on weight to the point where he was getting soft. Out of shape.  _ Fat. _

The self-deprecation rolled through his head in a steady stream of insults as he kept going, trying to ignore the fatigue in his limbs. There was an edge of desperation to his moves now, like he could really fix two months of slacking and emotional eating in a day if he just tried hard enough, but--he couldn’t face Jace like this. Anger pushed him forward and he gave a shout, his jab loaded with so much energy that it sounded like an explosion when his fist hit the bag, the sound echoing off the stone walls of the training hall with his own voice.

“Easy, there, brother! That poor bag ain’t hurt nobody, as far as I know.”

At first, Alec thought he’d imagined it. Jace wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow, but he’d know that drawling voice anywhere. His body moved faster than his brain and he spun around towards the speaker, equal parts dreading and  _ hoping _ his senses were telling the truth. 

And--it was him. Jace was leaning against the opening that lead to the training area with his hands crossed over his chest. There was nothing visibly different about him--he might as well never left, so familiar was the sight. Jace’s lips curved into that cocky half a smile he so often wore, but the moment their eyes met it grew wider, genuine affection softening his features. 

It only took him a couple steps to wrap his arms around Alec--he’d met Jace halfway without consciously thinking of moving at all, needing that embrace now more than ever. 

But the moment he felt Jace’s arms loosen around him, the question sprung from his lips. “What are you doing here?”

Jace scoffed, throwing him a half shrug and patting him on the arm as he took a step back. “Early release for good behavior.” Alec knew him well enough to read that quirk of his brow as,  _ as far as they know.  _ He didn’t believe for a second Jace had left the ladies of Idris off that easy. He glanced away, but Jace didn’t. Alec could feel his eyes traveling over his body, and suddenly, he wanted to hide. 

He crossed his hands over his chest. Jace frowned, his eyes darting down Alec’s front. “You been working out a lot while I was gone?”

Alec froze. “What?”

“You look--different.”

Jace was still staring at him--he could almost see the cogs turning inside his head as Jace scrutinized the fit of his clothes, the bulge of his biceps. The softness of his abs his sweaty top couldn’t hide. As if looking wasn’t enough, Jace lifted his hand and brushed it over Alec’s waist, his frown deepening like he still didn’t believe what he was seeing,  _ feeling. _

“You look bigger.” 

Alec flinched, the color draining from his face. Of course, Jace would notice, but--couldn’t he have waited five minutes before calling him out? Alec scoffed, trying to play it for a joke, but his tone came out all wrong, too flat and tight. “So what?” He took a step back, looking around for a towel when really, all he wanted was to look anywhere but at Jace. 

The real kicker was that Jace could probably feel the emotions running through him right now, filtering through their bond. Alec couldn’t even hide his  _ weakness _ from Jace, and that only fed to his self loathing.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

Usually, when Jace’s voice got soft like that, it made Alec’s heart do weird things. Now it felt like fuel to the fire inside him, an insult to injury. He didn’t want Jace to comfort him. He wanted to be stronger than that. “Yeah, well, we can’t all be perfect little super soldiers, can we,” he muttered, half to himself, but of course, Jace caught his words. 

“That’s not what I said.” 

Jace’s hand touched his arm, but Alec shook it off. “Might as well admit the truth. I’ll never be good enough to be your  _ parabatai _ . I’m just--just fat and pathetic.” His words came out in a rush, hard and clipped. He scoffed again,shrugging, trying to calm down, but all he wanted to do was keep punching things. 

“Alec--”

“I’m done for today.” Alec shot Jace a cold look, then grabbed his towel and stalked out. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos on the first chapter! I'm enjoying writing this fic so I'm going to make it a bit longer than previously planned... I also added a couple of tags, the 'food issues' one is there because while I don't mean Alec to have an ED in this fic, he's gonna continue being a little stupid about his weight and eating.

After taking a shower in his private bathroom, Alec felt a little more clear headed. 

Okay, so maybe he had overreacted a little. He’d spent weeks stewing up this mess inside his head. He didn’t need a whole lot from Jace to blow it all up on him. He glanced at his image in the misted up mirror, but the blurry reflection offered him gracefully little to go by.

Not that he expected one work out to melt off all the extra padding his body had acquired over two months, but he did feel better after letting his frustrations out on the punching bag. Now his muscles  _ ached,  _ though, and he knew from experience that the pain would only get worse if he didn’t replenish the energy he’d just burned. But he didn’t have any food in his room, and getting some would require leaving it and risking a run in with Jace...

Alec let out a sigh, shaking his head as he padded towards his dresser. He caught a pair of boxer briefs from there and pulled them on.

He knew he needed to fix things with his  _ parabatai _ . None of this was truly Jace’s fault, anyway, but now that his anger had passed, he realized how embarrassing the whole thing was. A shadowhunter should always control their emotions, and here he was, blasting his off with a megaphone.

So he’d gotten a bit chubby. So he was a little jealous. Neither of those things needed to be Jace’s problem.

_ They are if you’re not up to his level,  _ whispered a voice at the back of his head.

Alec scowled to himself, then grabbed his stele from the dresser before sitting down on the edge of his bed. He didn’t need hunger grumps to add to his bad mood, and since there was no food to be eaten, he had to get creative.

He glanced down, then wished he hadn’t. Sitting down like this, a little roll formed over the waistband of his boxer briefs, like reminder of his usual feeding habits. He could still see the outline of his abs under the pudge, but only because they were pumped from the workout. Everything else was  _ soft...   _ Alec forced his eyes to move from his little belly to his side. There was a spot there he could use.

Leaning back, he started to draw a rune. It had been a while since he’d last used this trick, but after years of drilling, the shape of the it still came out perfect on his skin. He winced as the heat of the stele scorched his flesh, but it was a familiar pain and thus easily born.

The effect was immediate: the growling in his gut settled, the need to feed disappearing as waves of satiation spread through him. It was a pleasant feeling, not like a food coma but like an energizing drink that fulfilled you, fired up your engine. As Alec straightened up, he already felt a lot better.

_ Not bad _ , he thought, fingers brushing over his empty stomach. Mentally, he felt like he’d just eaten a full meal, but no food had passed his lips, his belly still soft and not bloated. He made a mental note of the fact as he scooted off the bed to grab more clothes. He still needed to eat later, but at least the nourishment rune would buy him a couple hours.

_ A couple more hours to avoid Jace. _

There was a knock on the door. Alec froze mid movement. “Just a sec!” he called and jumped into his sweatpants. He pulled on a t-shirt as he strode towards the door, but just as he laid his hand on the door handle, a sense of precognition came over him.

He knew it would be Jace even before he opened the door, but that didn’t prepare Alec for the sight of him. There was something striking in the way he looked that never quite wore off, making every time he saw Jace an exercise in restraint of the  _ don’t get lost in his eyes _ variety.

Jace looked like he was trying hard not to cross his hands over his chest, trying to appear  _ calm _ when he was really brimming with emotion. His hands hovered restlessly at his sides, like he missed the feel of his blades there. When Alec didn’t speak, he gave up with a sigh and wrapped his arms over his chest, glancing down before looking straight into Alec’s eyes.

“Can I come in?”

Alec licked his lips, then rolled his shoulders in a shrug and stepped aside to let Jace in. “Sure.”

Jace didn’t waste time in the corridor, but walked past Alec into his room. Once inside, he turned immediately back to Alec. “Can we talk?”

Now it was Alec’s turn to cross his arms. He pulled in a breath, exhaling before asking in a level voice, “About what?”

He saw Jace’s jaw tighten, his eyes narrowing. “About you storming off for now reason at all, acting like I did something to  _ hurt  _ you?” Jace took a few steps closer, the expression on his face flickering from anger to hurt. “Look. I just got back--can we not do this right now?”

He could feel Jace’s feelings through their bond--he knew he was the one acting like a brat here, lashing out at Jace for no reason, but he wasn’t done yet. There was still a part of him that wanted to keep the fight going, so he let his bitterness run free. “Yeah, well you were the one who came back and immediately started poking into my business.”

“What?” Jace stared at him with confusion, until his eyes dropped down to Alec’s waist. There he seemed to finally connect the dots. Alec willed himself to keep still as his eyes lingered on the once loose t-shirt that was probably not fitting like it used to. “You mean--” Jace started, but he stopped himself, his brows furrowing as he weighed his words carefully.

Alec could feel his patience waning with each moment Jace kept looking at him like that.  _ Just say it _ , he shouted in his head, his heart racing in his chest as he waited for Jace to keep going. “I mean, what?” he prompted, voice flat, still frozen in place.

Jace lifted his gaze. “Nothing. Alec, this is  _ nothing _ . It doesn’t--”

“ _ Nothing?  _ Maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but--”

“ _ Listen. _ ” Jace closed the distance between them, his hands flying up in exasperation. He looked at Alec with sharp eyes. “I’m  _ sorry  _ if I said something that hurt you, but this whole thing is just, just.” He shook his head like nothing made any sense, then took in a deep breath and said, “You’re not  _ fat _ , Alec. That’s what I mean, okay?”

Hearing the words from Jace’s lips, it should have made him feel better. But instead, he clung to the hurt inside him; he’d spent too long cultivating it to let go that easily. “You said I looked bigger.”

Jace made a sound, his expression faltering. “Well, you  _ do _ , but--that’s not a  _ bad _ thing.” He looked away, and Alec suddenly realized he was  _ blushing. _

He frowned. “How can that not be a bad thing? If I’m not fat  _ yet _ , I’m getting there.”

“Hey, now, you’re not getting fat. Maybe you’re a bit...  _ chubby _ , but that’s--it’s not the end of the world. You look strong, and-- _ good. _ ”

Was he dreaming this, or had Jace just told him his chub looked  _ good _ ? He couldn't have heard that right. But then Jace’s eyes returned to him and there was something new there he’d never seen before, a new feeling flowing between their bond...

And then Jace stepped up and wrapped his arms around Alec in a tight hug.

“I don’t think you’re weak, Alec.” Jace spoke softly, his voice meant only to carry from his lips to Alec’s ears. “You are you, in good and bad, and I am me in the same way. I’m not perfect either. We  _ balance _ each other, that’s the whole point, right?”

Jace tried to pull back to look at him, but Alec held him back. He wasn’t ready to meet Jace’s eyes just yet, and--he needed this hug, okay? He moved his arms to encircle Jace’s shoulders and pulled him in tighter. When he felt Jace do the same, giving into the hug with the same desperation that guided Alec’s hands, something unknotted inside him.

He took a deep breath, then exhaled. “I’m sorry.” He held on a little while longer before releasing Jace from his bear grip.

“It’s okay, I got it.” Jace’s lips curled into a smile, and Alec felt himself smile too.

“I guess... I was a little jealous.” He shrugged, trying to relax before talking again. “I had no one to talk to and things kind of--spiraled, so. I’m sorry about, uh, all of this, basically.”

Jace had waited for him to finish his apology before breaking into a full grin. “Apology accepted, though you got nothing to be jealous of. The whole training was a snooze fest, anyway. You didn’t miss anything.” He chuckled, patting Alec on the arm.

“I missed  _ you _ .”

Jace didn’t miss a beat in his reply. “Missed you too, brother.”

His smile made Alec  _ ache _ to lean down and kiss those lips--but like the searing heat of the stele’s blade, this pain was also a familiar one. One he would bear to the ends of time, it seemed.

“Now, you ready for dinner?”

Alec blinked. “Dinner?”

“Yeah!”

He opened his mouth; his fingers skirted over the rune on his side, covered by his shirt. “I--I’m not really all that hungry?”

Jace’s brow’s shot up. “Didn’t you just do a full workout? Usually you’re starving after a beast like that.”

There was something about Jace knowing his habits that made Alec’s insides squirm.  _ Usually _ , he would pounce at the mention of dinner--no wonder he’d ended up pudging up so quickly. But he’d just used the nourishment rune, so his hunger was gone for the moment. He should just tell Jace about the rune, but before he could, Jace was speaking again.

“Hey, I know you’re worried about your weight, but you gotta eat if you want to keep training. Skipping meals isn’t going to help you in the long run.”

Oh.

Of course, Jace would leap to that conclusion. Alec could see the worry in his eyes,  _ feel _ it through their _ parabatai _ bond, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing. “Don’t worry,” he said, looking away to hide his burning face. “Wasn’t my plan.”

“Good,” Jace said, already heading towards the door. “Because I got two months worth of Institute gossip to catch up on, and who else is gonna give me the latest on who’s banging who?”

Alec snorted, turning to follow him. “Izzy, probably.”

Jace laughed. “Well, she’s gonna have to wait her turn. This dinner is gonna be between my best bro and me.”


	3. Chapter 3

There was no particular reason for why Alec found himself drawing the lines of the nourishment rune on his skin again the next morning. The trick was fresh in his mind, and it just felt convenient. 

He’d woken up early with a start, his body still reacting to the intense workout the day before and cutting his sleep short. A quick look at the clock confirmed that the mess hall was already open and running, but Alec felt too restless for breakfast. His muscles still felt sore when he rolled off his bed, but he needed to move, start up his engine with motion.

He got as far as pulling on his jogging gear, a pair of black sweatpants and a sleeveless tank that was worn and soft, before his stomach gave a pop. The sound was followed by a rumble, then a  _ groan _ , and to make sure Alec got the message, his gut  _ twisted _ with hunger, making him wince with pain. Pressing a hand to his stomach, he tried to settle it, but the grumbling seemed to have come to stay. 

Scowling with frustration, Alec reached for his hoodie. He wasn’t going to let his gut be the boss of him, but the idea of running with this kind of hunger made him sneer with disgust. He could stop by the mess hall to grab a fruit or something, but he wanted to leave  _ now-- _

That’s when the idea came to him. With a stop, he glanced at his side; his tank covered the rune he’d drawn there yesterday, but he could still feel it on his skin. 

In the end, he didn’t spend too much time considering it. He knew all about respecting the runes, the  _ magic _ that lay in them, but using the same rune twice in such a short time hardly counted as abuse, right? He just wanted to get going, not slugged down by breakfast in his gut and still free of the hunger pangs. 

As soon as he finished drawing the rune, Alec felt his hunger vanish. It really was a genius trick, one that he felt proud to have figured out. He wasn’t an expert on losing weight, but training on an empty stomach was supposed to help--at least if he trusted his sister’s advice. As he grabbed his hoodie and pulled it on, he felt himself smiling. He felt like he could run ten miles, easy, and see about breakfast later.

But he got no further than the first stretch of corridors when he heard his name called.

“Alec! Wait up!”

Of course, it was Jace. For someone Alec had been dying to see just yesterday, Jace sure was wearing off his welcome fast. Still, Alec paused to wait for him to catch up, tapping his finger against his thigh.

“You’re up early,” Alec said as Jace reached him.

Jace grinned; he still looked a little sleepy in his light grey sweatsuit, his cheeks scruffy and hair tousled from sleep, but his eyes were shining bright as a puppy’s when he gave Alec a friendly slap on the back. “Could say the same about you! Heading for breakfast?” Without really waiting for a reply, Jace started walking, his hand at the small of  Alec’s back guiding him to move.

“No, I was gonna take a run.” 

Jace chuckled. “With an empty gut? Come on, man, you gotta get your carbs in in the morning. We’re gonna do training today, right?”

Alec pursed his lips. He’d fallen into step with Jace out of pure habit, following his lead while considering his options. The mess hall wasn’t far, though, and Alec had to make up his mind fast.

“Yeah, training’s still on, but wasn’t that the plan for the afternoon?”

“Yeah, but I was thinking we could go in a little early? I’ll probably get no missions for today and there’s a couple of tricks I wanna--” Jace stopped when he realized Alec had fallen back. He turned to give Alec a look over his shoulder, raising his brow. “You’re really gonna leave me to have breakfast alone? I’ve been dreaming about these bagels since I got back!”

Alec swallowed, suddenly taken by a strange yearning. It wasn’t like he was actually hungry, his body still humming with the magical sustenance it had gotten instead of real food. But just the mention of Jace’s favorite breakfast still got him feeling a stab of something close to it, a guilty desire to indulge...

“What’s that got to do with me?” Alec snapped, rolling his shoulders while avoiding Jace’s eyes. “I got plans.”

“Dude, you’ll have plenty of time to burn off those calories later. I just want to have breakfast with my brother.”

Alec felt his cheeks flush with heat. He wanted to give Jace a piece of his mind--for one thing, he was  _ not _ dieting, he was  _ not _ going on a run just to burn calories--but he couldn’t resist the sweet tone in Jace’s voice. Was he really going to deny himself the chance to stare at Jace stuffing his beautiful face with food over a  _ run _ ? He hated running.

He must really be losing his grip.

Alec rolled his eyes, giving a full body shrug. “I guess it can wait,” he said, and Jace’s face split into a grin.

“That’s the spirit! Now-- _ bagels. _ ”

Alec wouldn’t call the New York Institute’s breakfast serving the best there was. He enjoyed it well enough--a mix of imported goods from Idris and elsewhere stretched over several long buffet like tables at the mess hall, with complimentary dishes from the mundane world added in. Alec had never been that into mundane food before, but there was something about the city’s famous bread stuff that had won him over.

And won  _ Jace _ over, as for reasons unknown, he had become a fervent fan of the bagels their breakfast buffet usually offered. Alec scoffed with amusement as Jace made it straight for the bread section; he could easily imagine Jace using his elbows to fight for his breakfast bagels if he needed to, but early as it was, there was barely anyone there yet.

Jace paused by the table, giving a happy sigh as he looked over the selection. “ _ God, _ I have missed this.” He grabbed a tray and started filling it, loading two stuffed bagels on it from the get go. He looked almost exciter when he glanced over to Alec. “You gonna have the usual as well?”

Alec had been too busy watching Jace beaming over his breakfast to really think about his own. He touched his stomach and frowned, his eyes skirting over the bread spread, but before he could reply, another voice joined their conversation.

“You should show him what your  _ new _ usual is, brother mine.” 

Izzy made her entrance by nudging him on the side, then sending a wink in Jace’s direction. “You’re gonna be surprised.”

Jace’s eyes flew wide and he glanced from Alec to Izzy, looking for an explanation. Meanwhile, Alec wanted to turn on his heels and flee, his face blushing fast and hard.“Mind your own business,  _ sister dear _ ,” he hissed between his teeth, crossing his hands over his chest. 

“What’s this now? What am I missing?”

“Oh,  _ nothing _ . Just a little twist to that eternal breakfast feud you guys have been having since forever.” Izzy smirked, her eyes flicking between them, before finally settling on Jace. “Ask him which one he prefers.”

Okay, now Alec was really ready to leave. Jace’s eyes snapped back to him, surprise and intrigue sparking in his grin. 

“ _ Did you switch sides while I was gone? _ ”

Alec clenched his jaw. Ever since they’d gotten here, there had been a running argument between them over the greatness of breakfast bagels versus croissants. Jace had been Team Bagels since day one, so of course, Alec had taken a contrary position by favoring the croissants. He liked their fluffiness compared to the heaviness of bagels, but more than that, he liked pushing Jace’s buttons a little, getting him into pointless rants about breakfast foods. It was just  _ fun _ watching him go on about bagel stuffings and different flavors; gave Alec a good opportunity to drink in the sight of him unperturbed.

He didn’t even know how he’d ended up with an additional bagel on his breakfast tray a few days after Jace had left, but it wasn’t hard to work that out in retrospect. He’d  _ missed _ Jace, and having his favorite breakfast was something to fill that emptiness. 

“I didn’t _ switch sides _ ,” he said petulantly. He wasn’t willing to give up this fight that easy. 

But Jace didn’t let up. “Oh, okay.” His lips curled into a smirk. “So which one is it? Croissants or bagels, bro?”

He’d already gotten enough crap about this from Izzy, who’d called him out on it the first time she’d caught him with a bacon and mozzarella bagel halfway to his lips. If he lied now, she’d just call him out on it again. 

“Both.”

Jace’s brows shot up. “Both?” Maybe that wasn’t the answer Jace had been expecting because for a moment, he looked confused. Then the pieces seemed to click, and his eyes darted down to Alec’s waistline. He cocked his head, as if measuring the change there, then looked back up. “I guess that makes more sense,” he said with a shrug.

At that, Alec dropped his hands and turned to walk away, but Jace caught him before he got away.

“Hey, hey, I was just kidding!”

He looked at the hand on his arm, then followed it to Jace. “Not funny.”

“He’s kinda sensitive about this, so might wanna go easy on the jokes,” Izzy stage whispered to Jace from beside them, as if she hadn’t been the instigator in all of this. 

Alec glared at her, but all that got him was a wink and a pat as she headed towards another table, leaving him and Jace alone.

“I’m sorry.” Jace looked sincere when he said the words, the smirk wiped off his face, and Alec pulled in a breath before nodding. 

“It’s fine.”

“Hey, for all I care, you can have all the bagels you want. There’s plenty to go around, and they  _ are  _ good.”

“So says you,” Alec retorted dryly. They’d been on this feud for too long for him to just roll over and give up on it.

As Jace reclaimed his tray and went to pick up coffee, Alec was left staring at the selection in front of him. He could pick whatever he wanted--maybe he’d just get that fruit after all. His hand found its way back to his stomach, and he glanced down. The hoodie on him was reasonably new, a slim fit to his tall frame, but Jace’s gaze had reminded him that the changes in his body were still visible.

Alec sighed. Maybe he should focus on working on that instead of proving Jace he didn’t care about his breakfast choices. There was no hunger in his gut at the moment, but he knew he hadn’t  _ really _ eaten--it was just his stubborn need to prove himself that stood in the way of having a nice breakfast with Jace. 

The dinner last night had proven him that you could still eat after using the nourishment rune. He’d eaten more than he’d realized, actually, with his sense of fullness nulled by the rune magic. So he knew he could still have breakfast just  _ fine _ , even if he’d planned otherwise. He was more worried about overdoing it again. 

And yet...

He really wanted a bagel.  _ And  _ a croissant. With Jace.

After a moment of internal struggle, Alec resigned to his faith and picked up a plate. If the training session Jace had promised was anything like their usual practice, he really  _ did _ need to load up on energy. 

He could see them going at it all day, and no amount of rune magic could help him if he tried to take on Jace with half a tank. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update this time, gotta probs take a break from this fic and work on other things... we'll see! Hope you guys are enjoying it so far <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...why can't I stop writing this fic...

It did end up being a nice breakfast. Although Alec felt a twinge of guilt for skipping the exercise he’d planned, he didn’t regret spending that time with Jace.

Especially with this Jace, who was soft without the veneer of a hardened soldier on him, his cheeks bulging as he stuffed big bites of food into his mouth. “ _ Fuck, _ that’s  _ good _ ,” Jace moaned into his second bagel, still enamored with his breakfast. 

Alec snorted, shaking his head. “I’m glad I finished mine already ‘cause you’re starting to make me hate them again.”

Jace gave him a grin with his mouth still full of food. “There’s no going back now, brother,” he said before taking another bite, making a show of enjoying it.

Alec just rolled his eyes. But he couldn’t keep his gaze off Jace as he finished his bagel and leaned back in his chair, letting out a satisfied burp. There was something decadent about the image of him, smiling loosely at the end of a good meal. Even in the middle of the morning crowd gathered at the mess hall, Alec felt like there was something weirdly intimate about it. 

He swallowed, glancing away. “You sure you can still fight after all that  _ bageling _ ?” he asked to distract himself.

Jace laughed. “You think a little breakfast is gonna stop me?” He grabbed his drink, grinning at Alec. “Just wait and see.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“You wanna change before we go training?” Alec asked as they were walking out of the mess hall. He was good to go, already in his training gear, but Jace would probably want to wear something less leisurely than his sweatsuit.

Jace gave him a glance, but didn’t stop. “Actually, I’ve got another idea.” 

Alec frowned as he followed Jace down the corridor. He was about to call after him when they turned off the path that lead back to their living quarters, but then got distracted when he noticed Jace rubbing over his stomach while he walked, hiding a burp behind his fist. Had the bagels done his  _ parabatai  _ in after all?

“Are we still on for this thing? We’re not going back?”

“Not yet,” was all Jace said. Then he led Alec through the institute, but instead of heading for any of the training areas, he took them to the garden. 

Alec caught Jace at the entrance. “You’re not thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking,” he said after stopping Jace with a hand on his shoulder.

Jace’s grin turned into a smirk. “Oh yes.”

Alec looked around before leaning closer to whisper, “ _ Seriously? _ ” He knew it would be impossible to talk Jace out of it when he got that spark in his eye, but now that he’d figured out what Jace’s plan was, he had to at least try. 

“You wanna get  _ high  _ before we hit the training hall, and you wanna drag  _ me _ into it? Seriously?”

He could see Jace considering his words, but in the end, he just shrugged. “You can join me or not, but first--” He rubbed his hands together and raised his brows, cocking his head towards the garden. “--let’s see if we’re in luck.” 

Alec followed him with his gaze for a moment, struck silent by Jace’s sudden change of plans. He couldn’t figure out what the hell had gotten into him, but there was something off about him--and the only way Alec could find out what was by following Jace to the small path that disappeared into the greenery.

It was still early, and the vast indoor garden inside the building was deserted. Most of the crew was probably still at breakfast, or getting ready for the day in their rooms--they were definitely not sneaking around bushes and ducking under ferns to reach a secluded corner with a patch of grass and a rocky bench beside it. Sunlight filtered through the windows high up, cascading through the leaves so that the seat under the trees was left in soft green shadow.

Alec was sure other people at the institute knew about this nook as well, perfect as it was for all sort of private affairs, but it had always been their spot, too. 

“They could still summon us up for a mission, you know.” Alec strode through the clearing and sat on the bench with a sigh. He turned to look up towards the sun, squinting at the bright beams that escaped the leafy maze, but part of his attention was still on Jace.

“I’m aware of that,” Jace replied, “but it’s not like I’m about to get blackout drunk.” He’d moved past the bench to inspect the rock lantern that had been set up behind it. As Alec watched, he walked around it, trailing his fingers against the surface of the stone until something caught his attention. He grinned, shooting Alec a glance. “Just having a joint of the  _ finest _ .”

Somehow, Jace pulled out just what he’d described from a hiding spot in the lantern’s build. He looked surprised, but nevertheless pleased as he brought his loot to Alec. He had to admit he was impressed at Jace’s set up.

“You hid that  _ there _ ? When?”

Jace stayed standing as he rolled the joint between his fingers. “Before I left?” 

“And you trusted it to stay there for two months?” Alec scoffed. “That’s pretty courageous.”

“That’s  _ lucky, _ ” Jace countered, smiling down at him. 

Alec studied his features for a moment in quiet. “This isn’t like you, Jace. Why are we doing this?” He didn’t say it with accusation; he just wanted to know what was up with Jace.

“For the fun of it?” Jace looked down at the joint in his hand, shrugging, but Alec could tell he was trying to hide something. He waited until Jace gave a sigh and looked back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who’s always telling me to relax, that I’m too hard on myself. So maybe I wanna kick it back and enjoy my day off. Is that so bad?” 

“I’m not saying it’s  _ bad, _ ” Alec said after a pause. Hell, he’d have smoked that joint ten times over if he’d known it was there. “Just--I don’t know. Weird timing?”

Now Alec noticed the flush that was suddenly climbing along Jace’s neck and up to his cheeks. His mouth pulled to a tight line, then he grimaced and broke into an embarrassed chuckle. “Trust you to question a free joint,” he said, glancing away as he ran a hand through his hair. Then he seemed to collect himself and looked back to Alec. “Okay, you got me.”

Alec raised his brow.   

Jace was full on blushing when he finally admitted, “The  _ bagels _ got me.” 

He followed the path of Jace’s hand as it pressed on his stomach, highlighting the core of his problem. There wasn’t much there, but the way Jace kneaded his middle gave Alec all the info he needed.

“ _ Oh. _ ” He narrowed his eyes, barely hiding his grin. “What happened to ‘just wait and see’?”

Jace scoffed. “We’ll get there. I just need a little something to take the edge off.”

“I see,” Alec hummed. 

After all the jibes Jace had thrown his way since coming back, he couldn’t let the opportunity for a revenge pass that easy. He stood up from his seat; the chance of position left him looming over his shorter  _ parabatai _ , but Jace didn’t step back. Alec licked his lips, then nabbed the joint from Jace’s hand.

“Hey!” 

“How about we go right now, and the winner gets to do the honors, hmm?” He twirled the smoke between his fingers, smirking at Jace. “Or is your tummy too full for that?”

Jace let out a gasp, but he was quick to recover. He changed his stance, crossing his arms over his chest, and gave Alec a look over. “I’m good to go whenever, just surprised you’d rather fight before and smoke after...”

“And why wouldn’t I be?”

It was Jace’s turn to raise his brow. “Because we’re in the same boat.” He unfurled his arms to reach a palm to pet over Alec’s belly. “Looking a lil round here, brother.”

A part of him was  _ mortified. _ Looking down, he realized his stomach was almost as distended as Jace’s, but with the additional chub, it made him look bigger.  _ Round _ , as Jace had said. Without thinking, he’d done it again--eaten more than he’d intended while his brain too busy mooning over Jace and  _ his _ food. 

_ That damned rune, _ he cursed in his mind.

But underneath the shock of embarrassment, there was something else. A part of him wanted to lean in and  _ force _ Jace’s hand to press against his stomach, give him that attention, that caressing touch. He didn’t know  _ why _ he wanted it, but the thought of Jace’s hands on his body set a fire running through his veins.

He could see the shift in Jace’s expression, but before he could read too much into the emotion running across their bond, Alec scoffed, batting Jace’s hand away. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder to win this back,” he said, sliding the joint behind his ear. 

It only took a moment for Jace to pull on his game face. “Oh, you’re  _ on. _ ”

He evaded Jace’s first strike purely on reflex. Jace was  _ fast _ , but he was also the person Alec had trained with the most, making him intimately familiar with Jace’s fighting style. The next couple of punches Alec could block easily, but then Jace ducked down to get past his guard and launched into a serious attack.

The exchange didn’t last long. Alec had his hands full trying to keep Jace off, and the moment he felt Jace’s fingers brush against his temple, he knew he was on the losing side. 

“A-ha!” 

True enough, Jace was already backing away from him with a grin plastered on his face, holding the joint up triumphantly.

But Alec didn’t give up that easy. “Not so fast,” he said between breaths, then lunged towards Jace and sent them both rolling on the grass floor. 

They came out of it several feet from their original positions, with Jace pinned to the ground under him. The fall had knocked the wind out of him, so all Alec had to do was reach over him to snag the joint and claim his victory. 

“Don’t know what you spent the last two months doing, but that was  _ too easy _ .” He smirked down at Jace, who was still catching his breath. 

“Well, I didn’t expect you to play dirty and use your weight against me.”

Alec scoffed, fighting against blushing; he’d been about to free Jace, but for that jab, he decided to stay where he was. “A win is a win,” he said loftily, still straddling Jace as he pulled out his stele from the pocket of his hoodie. A tiny fire rune light the tip of the joint, and Alec took the hit with exaggerated care, filling his lungs with the heavy smoke.

He was aware of Jace’s eyes following him as he went through the motions, but he didn’t make a move to push Alec off him. Alec sighed as he exhaled, letting the bliss of the drug wash over him before focusing back on Jace.

God, it should be illegal to be that beautiful. In the light of the morning sun, Jace’s hair spread around his head like a golden halo, his eyes sparkling as he looked up to Alec. His sweatsuit had fallen open during their skirmish, revealing more chest and skin than Alec was set to handle, but he couldn’t look away.

“That good?” 

Alec’s eyes snapped up. “What?”

Jace smirked; he crossed one arm behind his head and reached for the joint with the other, but he didn’t try to take it from Alec. “The weed,” he said. “You seem spaced out.”

“Oh. Yeah.” 

He gave the joint to Jace before rolling off him and lying down on the grass. Jace gave a cough and the air was filled in a smoky gust, then the joint appeared back in Alec’s line of vision. They smoked in quiet, content to soak up the sun and let the weed take care of their worries. It was pleasant in the garden, peaceful.

“What happened in Idris?” Alec finally asked.

“Nothing.”

“I don’t buy that. You seem... different.” 

He realized he was repeating Jace’s words when he’d first seen Alec, but he didn’t take them back. There was something about Jace that had changed, something that Alec couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Jace sighed. “I told you it was a snooze fest. It’s just nice to be back.”

“C’mon, you expect me to believe that you, out of all people, would get bored in a city like Idris. You always find a way to have some fun, if you want to.”

“Maybe I didn’t feel like having fun.”

Jace’s voice had gone distant, like he was on the brink of sleep. But Alec knew he wasn’t. He could feel a strange undercurrent of hurt and longing in the mix of emotions bleeding through their bond, one that he’d never noticed before. He rolled over to his side and let his eyes linger on Jace’s profile; he had his eyes closed against the light, and Alec took advantage of the moment to let his gaze wander over the light scruff on his cheeks, down his sculpted chest and strong body. Nothing was physically different about him--just as perfect as ever.

Maybe it was just the weed messing with his mind, but... Alec had never been more certain Jace was hiding something from him.

He was too high to care right now, though, the thought of it slipping through the fuzzy surface of his mind. “Guess that sounds more believable,” he said, resting his head against his arm. “No Fun Jace, back for another round.”

That got him a snort from Jace. 

“Sure does,” he agreed.

“Are we still going training?” 

“Mm-hm.”

“When?”

“Later.”

Alec laughed, reaching a hand to pat Jace’s stomach. “Sleep it off, bagel boy. Just remember when we finally get there, I’m starting with one win in the bank already.”

Jace chuckled. “Like that’s gonna save you, big guy.” 


End file.
